Can You Commit?

You might say I have a problem with commitment. In fact, you could say it right out to my face, and I wouldn't really be able to take offense (just then I wanted to type "offence;" I've been reading a novel by a British author, and I guess I can't even commit to UK or US English).

I don't own a house, I'm not married, and I don't have children. Whenever I start a sentence with one of those statements, whether I'm talking to another person or just thinking to myself, I'm quick to add "yet!" As in, "I don't own a house yet," etc. But let's be real. I have a problem with commitment, and that "yet" may not have any place in a sentence about my future.

That's part of the reason why I'm travel nursing, right? Because even though the cons of being a travel nurse can be a pain --no PTO, not much say over my weekly schedule, currently working nights when I prefer days--the big pro is: no commitment. I'm committed to the terms of my contract, and that's it. If I don't schedule myself to be on assignment during a certain holiday, I don't "owe" my unit working it or any other holiday. I'm not on a hierarchy to determine when I get vacation; I can take an unpaid vacation between assignments, or not at all. I'm not stuck in any one city.

Well, I'm not stuck in any one city due to job responsibilities, that is. But I've given my word that I'll come back to the Hoosier state when this job is done. And I'm looking forward to it. My old unit will likely be happy to have me back, if I so choose. Still...hmm. It's hard to commit to a permanent job again. I keep dragging my feet on sending that email to my old manager, confirming that I'll be back for sure. Because once I do, and once they offer me a job if one is open, I'll be in the position of making a commitment. And I don't relish that.

Fighting that Lonely Feeling

Unless a nurse is traveling with a spouse/partner or friend, moments of loneliness on the road are inevitable. In general, I enjoy solitude, and I need to have time alone to recharge, especially after the constant interaction that is being a floor nurse. Still, I'm human, and I like to socialize. Fellow travelers can be a lot of fun to hang out with; on both my last contract in Seattle and during my time in LA, I met other cool travel nurses who were great companions with whom to explore, hike, or just grab a beer.

This time in Seattle, though, I've been hired before the wave of travelers that will come in during the summer months. I didn't need to attend an orientation, because it's been less than a year since I left the same hospital, so I didn't meet any new travelers that way. The three RNs I hung out with the most last summer in Seattle are all on different assignments currently (in Alaska, Delaware, and Florida, respectively). The other nurses on my floor are very welcoming, and they have included me in group outings, but they have their own permanent lives here and aren't necessarily looking to form a friendship with me.

One resource that's worked for me is Meetup.com. It has groups for so many interests: book clubs, running, hiking, wine tasting, singles, volunteering, and anything else you can imagine. So far I've found running buddies using the site, and it's helped stave off the feeling of isolation that can hit any one of us.

Back in the Emerald City

It's a been a while since I've posted. No excuses, just trying to survive LA.

I hung in there for my entire 13-week assignment. It was rough, a lot of the time. I never really did get the hang of the disparate paper-and-three-separate-computer-programs charting/MD orders. The support systems of the hospital were not as...um...supportive as I would have liked, due in part, I think, to their being understaffed and overworked. And while the beach and the weather and my apartment and some of the other (travel and permanent) RNs I worked with rocked, overall, life in LA wasn't for me. Tough three months. 

When a former co-worker from my Seattle hospital called while I was still on my assignment in LA and told me she thought they'd have a need for me due to some upcoming maternity leaves and RNs leaving, I called both the unit manager and my travel company. At the same time, I asked my recruiters to continue submitting my application to other hospitals, including a teaching hospital near San Francisco where I've really been wanting to take a contract. The Nor Cal teaching facility called me back the day after I accepted the offer from the Seattle hospital. Bummer, sure, but it's great to be back at a great facility, working with professional, hard-working, pleasant staff and up-to-date computer systems. And I love Seattle. If it weren't for home obligations, I would definitely think about making a permanent move here. 

Local Flavor

Yesterday I went to a theater near UCLA campus and watched of all the Academy Award-nominated (live action) short films. Of course, this activity would be available to me in indie theaters around the country, but being in this industry town spurred me to check them out for the first time. So, I'll have an opinion about the short films come Oscar night. One of them ("Henry") had me sobbing like an idiot in the theater, but "Death of a Shadow" is the one I hope wins.

If You Don't Have Your Health...

...you don't have anything, right? Isn't one of the benefits of bedside nursing to force us, almost on every shift, to silently given thanks for our own health? I know I sometimes find myself thinking things that non-healthcare-professionals might find strange, like, "I'm lucky to be able to shower on my own, whenever I want."

So, when taking report for my upcoming night shift the other night I became SOB and dizzy and had to be taken down to ED (dx: elevated WBC, probably a virus making its way around the hospital, and a heretofore undiagnosed heart arrhythmia), I was forced to take a hard look at my own health and its impact on my ability to provide for myself.

It can be scary out there as a single person doing contract work of any kind. If I don't work, I don't get paid. I've never had any significant health problems, and although I'm scheduled to follow up with a cardiologist, I'm (naively?) hopeful the EKG change will turn out to be nothing. Still, this work incident has reaffirmed my belief that health is the greatest of possessions, and it's caused me to consider: is traveling still a financially reasonable option for me?

Working on My Night Shift

Last year, I took a class in which we had to write a descriptive scene using all five senses. At the time, I was a day-shift RN, working 7 a.m. to 7:30 p.m. I wrote a paragraph about the experience of waking up early and the joys of coffee. It started with "Every 5 a.m. is the worst thing thing that has ever happened to me...."

It was in the middle of winter in the Indiana, and I truly felt horror and misery at having to wake up at 5 a.m., scrape the ice and snow off my car, and hit the frozen roads of Indianapolis. Maybe I have a little Seasonal Affective Disorder?

So, now, it's one year later, and I'm what I never thought I would be: a night-shift RN. And although I do think the night shift is wreaking havoc on my skin, I'm actually relatively at peace with the night shift, especially as a traveler. Who wants to have to learn how to utilize the crazy, disparate paper-and-BASIC-computer-charting system to learn how to, say, discharge patients?

I do, apparently. Well, want is not the right word. For the upcoming schedule, I'm being moved to days. Now the 5 a.m. wake-up call looms again. However, this time I'm in SoCal, not the Midwest. Will that early morning be as gruesome without a frosted windshield? I guess we'll see.

On one of my days off this week, I spent an afternoon stuffing envelopes for an LA-area children's literacy program. It was a nice way to talk with some other people in the area and feel like I was doing something productive with my time off. While we worked, I got recommendations for yoga studios and restaurants near my apartment. Volunteermatch.org was an easy way to find a volunteer opportunity that was close to me. When I was in Seattle, I didn't really take the time to find volunteer work. I kept thinking that I would do it "soon." These contracts go fast, though! I'm glad I stopped thinking about it and just did it.