Tonight I'm feeling like I'd rather be from Indiana than in Indiana. I miss Seattle.

So I've Taken My First "Permanent" Job After Traveling

"Permanent" is in quotes because there's no such thing as a permanent job, right? Downsizing happens, people stay home to raise kids, nurses burn out in one specialty and learn another, and workers leave a job for any of these reasons or one of a hundred others.

But...I've taken an RN job that I have assumed will be a job I'll work at for at least a year or more. For me it's been strange to orient at a permanent job after working as a travel RN. My anxiety level is much higher! When I was traveling, if I didn't like the charting system or didn't feel the MDs were available enough, I could always console myself with the mantra: "It's only 13 weeks!" Now, when I'm finding less-than-desirable aspects of my new job, I'm forced to recognize that I'll be dealing with those aspects for the duration of this job. And there's no "Hey, it's only 39 shifts" to make me relax.

Priorities in Hospitals

One of the truly eye-opening parts of travel nursing is seeing how differently hospitals around the country are run. A friend and fellow travel RN has just started an assignment at a New England-area hospital. She was shocked to discover that although each lovely private patient room in her new facility has a 42" flatscreen TV, the nurses still administer and document meds using a paper MAR system. "Sometimes I think, 'How can all these hospitals be in the same country and be so different?'" she remarked to me.

New job fun: having my millionth PPD this year placed today. Settling into a job will give me the benefit of only having to do this stuff once a year or so, right? If I can stand staying in one place that long!

Could I have picked a worse time to come back to the midwest?

As a nurse: no, I don't think so. With big hospital system layoffs happening both here in Indiana and in neighboring Ohio, it's been hard for me and many others to find RN work here in the midwest. My old hospital was unable to hire me due to a hiring freeze they're on right now. After almost 2 months of searching, I've landed permanent day shift job here in Indy. What a relief!

Day Trip

One of the best things about being a nurse is the flexible schedule. Right now, I'm in the middle of a four-day-off stretch. I've used my time off for such glamorous things as a trip to the dentist and runs around the lake. But I also took a day trip to Leavenworth, WA with another nurse to go tubing on the Wenatchee River. It was so great! In the summer, the weather is hotter in the middle and eastern parts of Washington than it is in Seattle. So what was a pleasant day in Seattle was a hot one in Leavenworth, and floating in the cool water of the river felt great. My friend and I met and had beers prior to (and after) our float with two nice kids from California; one was working as a whitewater rafting guide in town for the summer, and the other was celebrating her recent college graduation by traveling around the country.

As a traveler, there are so many adventures waiting for me on my days off. Some may be in the actual city I'm working in, and others may be a few hours' drive away. Having new and different entertainment options every few months will be something I'll miss as I once again take a permanent position.

"Back Home Again...

...in Indiana" is where I'm headed. I've decided. I'm headed back to Indianapolis to test out my relationship. Will it last? Will it be worth giving up the West Coast for?

These are questions I just don't know the answers to. I had a crying, panicky fit a little more than a year ago, before I left for Seattle. I was extremely worried that I was making the wrong choice. I never give into this feeling anymore; my chronic anxiety makes every choice seem like a potentially terrible idea. Still, it would be nice to be able to trust one's instincts. 

My instincts are saying that going back to Indy is a losing game. But to quote John Cusack in High Fidelity, "my guts have shit for brains."

So, here goes nothing. After 12 more shifts here in Seattle, of course.